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Out late?

Out. Proud. Well past 40. Now what?

I just got here. What do I do now? A good question.

This is for all of us who came out late. “Late” can mean a lot of things. It could be that you’re only 32, but you’ve been married since you were 18 and you’ve never kissed a boy. It could mean that you’re in your mid-fifties like I was when I came out, father of two and married for the second time. It could be you’ve been playing on both sides of the fence since puberty, and it’s time to land on the gay side. Or that you’ve never played at all – on either side of the fence – and now’s the time to go for it. It could be that you’re not out yet. You may be just coming out to yourself, or maybe you’ve been out to yourself since you were five years old, but are just now thinking of declaring it.

What we have in common is our recent arrival in strange new place. We just got here. And now we need to begin a new life. To conquer our fear of the unknown, the partially-known or the incorrectly-known. To get up to speed and begin living, full tilt, as we were born – or as we became along the way. There’s no set path, no pattern. Each of us is an individual. Which is why some of us come out late.

It’s all good. Welcome to the party.

This is also for those of you who know, or even think you know, a late bloomer and want to understand what’s going on. And perhaps be of help.

That’s good too. Glad you’re here.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. 04/30/2014 1:39 PM

    I always have such a sense of support whenever I find stories like yours. I’m mid-40’s, married more than 20 yrs with 3 kids and it’s time to be honest to myself and those around me. I’ve been attracted to men forever – and I moved past “curious” a few hook-ups ago. I’ve finally been able to acknowledge to myself that I am gay – and that’s not a bad or shameful thing. It’s just part of who I am.

    I haven’t come out yet, but have begun to work with a counselor and put plans in place to take that step. I’m scared, sad, anxious and excited all at once.

    Thanks for sharing your story…it helps a lot.

    • 04/30/2014 1:54 PM

      Glad my story was helpful. That’s exactly why I started the blog. Best wishes to you for your journey outward. The best is yet to come.

  2. Tom permalink
    05/12/2014 8:29 PM


    Are you still blogging?


    • 05/13/2014 9:11 AM

      I’m on pause for a while. I was running out of ideas for posts. It may be that I’ve said all I have to say. Not Sure.

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