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Sex on the first date?

08/01/2010

Well, it depends.

Sex is a big thing for guys. I think it’s fairly safe to say that in general we love sex, think about it all the time, and tend to go for it when it’s available. Not to say that we are devoid of self control, but sex is pretty much always “present” in the brain.

As everyone knows, this can cause all sorts of trouble. Between men and women – egad! – it’s the stuff of legend. Also between and among men, but it’s a different, more subtle, thing.

Many of us who come out later in life haven’t had a lot of sexual experience with our own gender, and we are hungry for it. At least I certainly was! Holy cow! I was crazy for it! And in this situation, the general sexual availability of other men works in our favor. But you have to watch it, and ultimately, know what you’re after.

Much has been made of the “slut phase” many men go through immediately after coming out. You know the drill: anyone, any time, any place. Well, that’s okay I guess. But, to those of us who are a bit older, it sounds exhausting, and if one isn’t careful, physically dangerous.

It can also mess with your head and your heart.

If you’re new to being out, the thrill of the all-you-can-eat buffet (pun semi-intended) can be a real gas. But if you are still raw and bleeding from the process of leaving an established relationship, and/or scared to death about moving out into a whole new world, this can be a very vulnerable time. Your head can get spun around, and your heart can get stomped on.

It happened to me a little over a year ago. Much to my surprise and discomfort, my entire world was upended by an unpremeditated two-nighter with a guy who, as it turns out, was just playing. I survived, but I’m still not completely over it. It didn’t help that he strung me along with a series of BS excuses rather than simply telling me he wasn’t interested and letting it drop. But the truth is, I left myself wide open for something like this, and boy did it pack a wallop! Lesson learned.

So, back to the question. Sex? Easy breezy, whenever, wherever, first date, second date, no “date” at all? Like I said, it all depends.

After 2+ years living out, I have begun to develop a good network. I’ve met a number of interesting men, and I’ve had some very nice dates. Repeat dates, too. I’m okay with recreational sex – not exactly indiscriminate, but not pledged to one another either. It can be a lot of fun.

That said, it’s important for me to remember where I am right now, and where I’m going. My ultimate goal is to find a husband. But I need more experience with men before I’m ready for that. I have some ground to make up. I’m 58, and if I hope to have a marriage last longer than either of my first two, I’d better get cracking!

Men? Bring ’em on!

My formula?

  • Remember the goal.
  • If it feels good, do it.
  • If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it.
  • If you do it, and it doesn’t feel so good afterward, reevaluate and remember the lesson.

So, jump right in! Remember where you are, guard your heart, and have a good time!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Joe Branham permalink
    08/01/2010 10:06 AM

    “All you can eat buffet.” LMAO! 😀 The goal is to just make sure it’s more “Plaza” than “Shoneys.”

    • 08/01/2010 1:32 PM

      At my age, I’ll take what I can get. But, yes, I do try to keep it relatively upscale.

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