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Waking up next to a man

07/13/2010

Now and then I hit a mile marker. Like the idea of turning a corner indicating a change of direction, a mile marker tells me I have moved forward.

A big one for me was the first time I woke up next to a man.

Each of us travels his own unique path coming out. Unlike many late bloomers I know, or know of,  I didn’t experiment sexually with men while I was married or otherwise involved with a woman. And the few same-sex experiences I did have, didn’t involve an overnighter.

When I first moved into my condo and began living alone, I felt like I had landed on another planet. Getting started with a totally new social life was a slow business. I was lonely and, not surprisingly, I had plenty of doubts … Is there an upside to all this? What on earth have I done?

All that blew right out of the window one Saturday morning about six months later, when I cracked an eye open, rolled over and saw a beautiful head of ginger-colored hair lying on the pillow next to mine.

In that little moment, as I looked at the back of this man’s head before he woke up, my entire world shifted. It simply felt right. Right in a way I’d never felt before. In spite of all the mornings I’d waked up next to a woman – many times feeling very happy about it ­ – I had never felt anything like this. It wasn’t about the sex. It was about feeling complete, unconflicted, normal. In that moment, I knew I had done the right thing. I was home at last.

The guy I slept with is a good man, and we are still friends, but this did not become a grand romance. What is did was change my world, absolutely and forever.  I’ve never looked back.

Yes, now and then, I still feel a twinge of nostalgia remembering all the good women I’ve known, and the many good times I had being married. But that part of my life is over. I hit a mile marker that morning 18 months ago. I’ve moved forward. I got here. I am who I am supposed to be.

And it feels great.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 07/15/2010 2:25 PM

    Nice, David! That post just leaves one with a good feeling.

    • 07/15/2010 9:36 PM

      Thanks. Glad you liked it.

      Not everything about my recent years has felt so good – witness my 7.15 post about regrets – but on balance, good feelings abound. I’m happy to share.

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